The beginning of a beautiful relationship
It is amazing to think that in 14 days I will be a mother. I have a dog and a cat that I treat way too much like humans but as I am quickly learning, that doesn't actually count. Imagine my surprise!
My childhood was not that from story books or RomComs. I always knew that when I had my chance to be a mother that I would be supportive of my child and raise he or she with unconditional love. Being a mother has been a top 5 goal for as long as I can recall. Now that it is actually happening, I know without a shred of doubt that I am not ready.
I suppose the timing would never be ideal. It is easy to see that no matter how old I am, I would never be ready for this blessing. So here I am, ready to wing it.
Luckily, our family threw us a shower to remember! Our loved ones spoiled us with basically everything I think we will want and need for our little bundle of joy. It was a beautiful day filled with women from every decade of my life. It was one of the finer moments I have had the pleasure of enjoying. I can't begin to write about what an honor it is to have so many people show you their love and literally shower you with compliments and gifts. Since, I plan to be honest with this blog, I must admit it was incredibly overwhelming as well. So much estrogen! So much advice! So many different directions to be pulled. I remember crying that night and those tears were filled with various emotions. It was a hormonal mess. The shower reminds you just how real the whole situation is and just how little you actually know. I have read books, blogs, articles, magazines, you name it and I still have no clue what I am doing and these hormones like to play with my mind. I taught preschool and was a small child's nanny for goodness sake. When it is
your child, everything is
NEW and
SCARY. I am fortunate to have a caring husband who took me to the WaWa parking lot and after listening to me cry over every little detail that fled my mind, bought me a vanilla milkshake. He patiently sat there for at least an hour.
I give women credit for going through pregnancy alone. I pray they have some type of support system to help talk them through their distress.
Each trimester has been an interesting journey. It is almost comical because once I thought I had mastered the hormones, body changes and cravings; it was a new trimester with completely different challenges to overcome. You always hear women are crazy. I never actually believed it until I, myself, became one of the crazies. Pregnancy has a way of turning rational thought into a tornado of emotions.
There have been times where one minute I am praising my husband to the next minute thinking he is selfish and couldn't possibly love me.
One moment I think I am facing every day frustrations with grace to the next not wanting to leave my bed and face the world.
If I am hungry or tired, I have to constantly remind myself not to be a raving...female dog.
Some days I can feel this beautiful miracle growing and moving inside of me and think about how lucky I am and other days I can't even recognize my body anymore. My thought patterns are even different at times.
At this point in my pregnancy, I can't do everything I once was able to do and that is an extremely unnerving feeling.
Before I got pregnant, I thought I would have the glow and sweet smile promised to us in the media but you know what making a human being is
REALLY difficult.
But it IS worth it. And you can make it easier on yourself.
I believe this meme to be true (with the addition of a 7th doctor: Love)
Not to contradict myself too much but even though I do know very little about what to expect and what kind of mother I am going to be; researching does make me feel better.
Knowledge is key. How can we possibly know whether we want to breast feed, have a natural birth, which location to go into labor, etc. if we do not know detailed information on all of the various aspects.
I recently became obsessed with Pinterest. If you are curious what pins I found that gave me a basis of where to start my research, they can be found at:
www.pinterest.com/lovenokaoi/
I hope you are able to keep in mind that no one,
especially me, can tell you what is best for you and your family. What you can learn though is what you should be considering.
I have learned that different generations have different ways of raising children. It is also becoming apparent that moms want you to validate their parenting by following in their footsteps. The good part about all of it is that whatever they have to say, it is coming from a good place. They are inviting you into a secret society of motherhood. They have been through it and can empathize with what you are going through.
In life, we all develop at individual rates. Our minds and bodies react differently to situations than others. We are as unique as the tiny humans we are capable of creating. It can be frustrating having everyone tell you how to care for yourself, what you need for your baby and what you should feel or think but always remember that it is love that motivates them to share their opinions with you.
Just like it is love that is making me share my feelings with the Internet. A dash of stupidity, but mostly love.
Pregnancy has been the one time in my life where I felt utterly alone. If you are feeling that way, please feel free to reach out to me. I am but a click away.
With Love,
JaGh
